God Calls Every Personality Type To Show Up

You can love Jesus, love people, and still feel wiped out by social time. You can also feel your soul sag when you are alone too long. We are Melissa and Stephanie, and we are walking straight into the introvert vs extrovert tension with honesty, humor, and a faith-first lens that keeps it practical.

We talk about what actually separates introversion and extroversion: where your energy comes from, what drains you, and what restores you. From big weddings and crowd energy to intimate gatherings that create real friendship, we explore why “being around people” is not the same as being known. Melissa shares how isolation impacted her mental health and why ride sharing became a surprising way to connect, while Stephanie explains how an introvert can genuinely enjoy people yet still need quiet recovery time. If you have ever wondered why you feel lonely in a crowd or guilty for needing space, this conversation gives you language and a healthier framework.

Then we root it in scripture and Christian community. We reflect on Hebrews 10:24-25 and the call to meet together, Philippians 2:4 and looking to the interests of others, and 1 Corinthians 12 and the church as one body with many parts. The challenge is simple: wherever you fall on the personality spectrum, you still get to choose whether you show up as a drain or a radiator, and you still have a place in the body of Christ.

If this encouraged you, subscribe, share it with a friend who needs community, and leave a review so more women can find these faith and wellness conversations.

Transcript

eet The Hosts And The Tension

Melissa 0:02

Okay, so hi, I'm Melissa, and I'm an extrovert. Hi, I'm Stephanie, and I'm an introvert. How in the world do introverts and extroverts people when God calls all of us to people?

Stephanie 0:19

Is it necessarily super easy for an extrovert to people?

Melissa 0:23

And is it necessarily easy for an introvert to draw away? I don't know. Let's dive in and figure it out.

Stephanie 0:31

Let's chat. Let's do this.

Melissa 0:34

Sounds good. Welcome to the Heart and Soul Elevation Podcast, where Jesus is first, wellness is lift from the inside out, and women find the connection their souls have been craving.

Stephanie 0:48

We're your hosts, Melissa Holman and Stephanie Pasniokis, two women passionate about weaving scripture and science into everyday life so you can live aligned in spirit, mind, and body in that order.

ig Crowds Versus Real Connection

Melissa 1:01

Take a breath, settle in. Let's elevate together. You know, we've realized we are very much alike, but there's one way that we are very, very different. What kind of gathering lights up your extroversion? I enjoy intimate gatherings. I do not like being in huge groups anymore. Even though I'm an extrovert and I get energy from being around people.

nergy Batteries And Ride Share Stories

Stephanie 1:39

Yeah, I think that there's a distinct difference. I think that large and personal crowds are that's not, I mean, I imagine yourself at a concert that you of someone you love. There's going to be a huge amount of people. And there's a there's a um or at a at a stadium with a game and there's a whole bunch of people and everybody is like, yeah, you know, there's energy there. And so it doesn't necessarily mean draining. And for an extrovert, that can be completely invigorating. Right. It can be incre completely invigorating, but it is never meant to be a personal space. There is a weird thing where there's an event, a woman's event or something with a whole bunch of people, and you're there maybe with a small group of people, but you can't really connect with each other. Right. And if you're all just sitting down in an audience, it's one thing. But if you're expected to mingle and interact, and now it just becomes sort of like a big, huge gathering where you're supposed to have social interaction, it's very difficult. It is very difficult, probably for an extrovert or an introvert because you it's a oh my gosh, my favorite thing, a wedding, a big, huge wedding. I've been to a number of them. I've been in a couple. I've I was the bride in a couple. Yeah, it's exhausting for me as an I am an introvert, um, to try to make sure I'm I'm hitting on everything. And you can't get in a deep relational, you know, interaction with anybody. And uh it's so it's it's different. It is when you're in those smaller intimate gatherings, uh, like the reception, you get to sit down with someone and you get to hang out and talk. You have some people over. Um, you're in a place that you go to all the time and you've really gotten to know people, your your church or a Bible study group or a small group or the reading circle or the knitting circle at the live, you know, any anybody who you get to really get to know them over time. Um, so that all being said, um let's talking about introversion versus extroversion and how we're made and how we're made differently. And I love how um you and I have so many things in common, even our favorite collar for crying out loud, but uh yeah, where we gain energy from interactions is very different. And um we have slightly, you know, different strengths because of that. Um and you know, what we do for our downtime. Uh, you know, and I love how we discovered this difference. I was just we were just offhand conversation, and you're like, yeah, I I I did raw ride share job just because I wanted to be around people. Um and and and you described your cubicle job and and how it was, you know, yeah, I'll let you do that soul sucking. And I'm thinking, oh my gosh, give me a cubicle job. Let me just have a computer and a keyboard and not that people are.

Melissa 4:46

That experience, I mean, like I always kind of figured I was an extrovert because I I do feel energized around people, but that experience of working completely isolated from other people, not having interaction. I I felt my mental health declining. Like I could feel it like being sapped away. And when I discovered ride sharing, I was like, oh my gosh, I get to just meet people, talk to them for a little bit, and let them go. This is gonna be awesome. And it was, I had so much fun driving people around. It was it was such a blast. And I loved like getting the car ready for them and making sure everything looked good. And I don't consider myself a hostess by any stretch of the imagination, but creating an environment where people felt welcomed into my car was really fun. And then just being able to talk to people and learn about their lives and even pray with a couple of them, it was really cool.

OVID Reveals What We Need

Stephanie 5:46

Yeah, I've I mean, I've embarrassed my kids plenty of times by talking to somebody completely random in some place. And my and afterward, my my oldest, she'd go, Mom, did you know who they were? And I'm like, Oh no, I had never seen them before in my life. She's like, How did you? Oh my gosh. Yeah. But again, um both of us completely able and and enjoy having these conversations. But if I do that for too much time, I really need to go into a cave. And I could I can easily be in a cave for weeks. That all being said, you know, I think I shared another time where when I was an at-home mom, uh isolated by myself, my thoughts spiraling in my head, and no, no community bounce off. So so even an introvert, we need we need a community. We, I mean, I really do believe that.

Melissa 6:36

And I feel like I feel like COVID really brought the difference between an extrovert and an introvert to life. There were like my most of my family's introverts, my um, the family I'm married into and my kids, four introverts, two of us extroverts. The introverts were fine. You know, they were like, Cool, I get to stay home and do nothing, or I get to stay home and make bread. I get to stay home and just you know, be in veg and not have to worry. And I'm going stir crazy. I started a podcast because I needed to talk to people. Like, that's why I started my first podcast. It's like I have to talk to people, I'm going crazy. My husband was perfectly happy just sitting at home working on models. And I I I was I was not okay. And there were all these memes floating around. I don't, I'm sure you remember them. Be sure to check on your extroverted friends because they're not okay.

Stephanie 7:29

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I remember that.

Melissa 7:31

Yeah, and I just really feel like it was really brought to light the difference between an introvert and an extrovert. For the longest time, we thought introvert just meant you were quiet, you were a wallflower, you just, you know, you didn't interact with people. And it and extroverts were showmen, right? Where the high look at me, look at me, look at me, look over here. I'm the center of attention, but that's not what it is. It's how do I how do I energize? That's that's the difference. Yeah, how do I get energy? Do I get and often by being alone and you know, uh just alone time, spending time, or do I get energy by being around people?

cripture On Showing Up Together

Stephanie 8:12

Yeah, and that's the the most fundamental. And there are some other traits, you know, introverts tend to be the you know, slower thinkers, like I but I don't fall into the classic introvert bucket. There's you know, of course, there's more nuanced, you know, things, but in the very basis of it, you know, people would look at me in the world and say, There's no way you're an introvert. And I'm like, whoo, yeah, yeah. But but I love people and I'm willing and loving. I love to spend my energy on people.

Melissa 8:42

And God calls us to that.

Stephanie 8:44

He does. In fact, he says in Hebrews 10, 24 to 25, let us consider how to stir up one another love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the day drawing near. Right.

Melissa 9:00

And who do you think is going to be more inclined to not meet together?

Stephanie 9:04

The introvert. Um, and in fact, uh my husband and I, right before the the big, you know, home cataclysm of 2023, where we were in renovation most of the year and couldn't have people over. And then following that, with my um grandson being born and then living here. And so we really didn't have a place where we could have people over easily because we had a little baby all of a sudden in the house and a lot of effort going into all of that. We had just before all of that decided we're gonna start having people, we're gonna be more social, darn it. We're gonna do it. He's a software developer, very I mean, he's yeah. So people ing isn't, you know, high on the list. So we finally, and then and then all this stuff happened. And now we're finally doing it again. And and and my big prayer of 2025 was God, expand my community. Help me really, really, really connect with the people around me, the real people around me, because um, I had been I don't even know how to explain it. It just it just wasn't there. And I just knew there was more. And I know no man is an island, right? We are meant to be with other people. I have experienced what happens in my body and brain when I'm not with other people. And because of so many things that happened, um, you know, thankfully, uh God brought us into the church that we're at now, um, you know, which is 10 minutes around. So it's truly people who we could theoretically visit. They're in our community, they're not an hour away. Um, we weren't commuting to some other community that couldn't be part of our daily lives. And it's even though we do things through Zoom, you know, or or whatnot, we're we're connecting more. Um, so it was something I just last week I was just so grateful for looking back and saying, wow, look at all these amazing people God blessed me with that. I'm it that aren't just acquaintances. But I'm really, really, really getting to know more of the body of Christ and all the different body parts and what they do and who they are and benefiting from them.

adiators Versus Drains In Community

Melissa 11:12

Well, and you've got me thinking about um when I was raising my kids, even though I was isolated like you were, right? We were military, we moved, you know, it was very difficult to make friends just because of our life. But I had my kids. I I had I was interacting with my kids. So I still had that that connection, that community right there in our in our home. Because we had four kids, two preteens, two babies. So I had people to talk to. And now I'm here at this stage of life where I'm caring for my dad and my husband, and I'm home, I work from home, but I still have community with them, right? So even though I'm not out in the world, I still have community. And just like you, we found that church close to home. There's people there. I can do life with them. It's it's it matters. It it really does. And and you know, Philippians 2, 4, I can't just look to my own interests. I need to look to the interests of others, right? Also look to the interest of others, helping other people on their walk, helping other people build their communities. It's not just about me and what I need as an extrovert, right? It's about what I what I can give. Ed Sheeran has a song where he says people are destined to radiate or drain. As an extrovert, I could be both of those, right? I could be a drain on other people or I can radiate to other people. And as an introvert, you can also radiate or drain.

Stephanie 12:51

Exactly.

Melissa 12:52

Right. And and that that goes back to that perspective and intention of what am I gonna be in this situation? Am I gonna be a drain or a radiator?

Stephanie 13:00

And where where is your focus? Because if your focus is on I'm doing this for me, and so I'm gonna be a drain.

Melissa 13:07

I'm gonna be a drain.

any Parts One Body In Church

Stephanie 13:08

When you let yourself go, when you say when you just let yourself go, this is the the that that's the irony. We've all heard it. That's the irony of of becoming happy is to stop chasing happiness. Right? The it's it's you know, the one of the the a very effective way to alleviate depression is to care for other people. But it isn't just you can fake it till you make it to an extent and start just doing it. But if you're doing it so that you alleviate your depression, it's not gonna happen because you're focused here. But if you're focused on just, I want to serve this other person, I see the whole person in front of me for everything they are, and I'm forgetting about myself for a while. Yeah, that's where the that's where that healing can happen. We are really meant to do that. Um, another verse comes to mind. It is First Corinthians 12, um, verses 14, uh, you know, through through 21, I would say, but really um comes to mind because we're thinking we're supposed to do, we're supposed to people, regardless of how you were made, and you were fearfully and wonderfully made, right? Regardless of how you um people, whether you're an introvert or an extrovert, and whether it's easy to be around people or not easy to be around people, we're all called to do it.

Melissa 14:28

And and um can I can I jump in there real quick? Just because I'm an extrovert does not mean it's easy to be around people.

Stephanie 14:35

You would well you mentioned it earlier, right?

Melissa 14:37

Because not everyone is easy to be around.

Stephanie 14:42

No, so not easy to be around people, but but get your energy from people, need to be around people, maybe like have a need to be around people. Yes. More we all have the need to be around people, but one is one really feels that it's their battery, right? That's how their batteries recharge. Um, mine recharges with a really good fiction book. I don't, you know, um, or just being quiet or or thoughtful or whatever it is, that I just need that downtime. But um, but we are, but we can't all be one or the other, right? Um, I I love this. Indeed, the body does not consist of one member but many. If the foot would say, because I'm not a hand, I do not belong to the body, that would not make it any less a part of the body. And if an ear would say, because I'm not an eye, I do not belong to the body, that would not make it any less a part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the hearing be? If the whole body were hearing, where would the sense of smell be? But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. If we were a single member, where would the body be? As it is, there are many members, yet one body. The I cannot say to the hand, I have no need of you, nor again the head to the feet, I have no need of you. So uh I just love that regardless of how we're made, how we identify, where we get our energy, we need each other. We need to we need to be around each other, we need each other, and everybody's important.

Melissa 16:10

I saw a trend on Instagram for church reels. And um basically they went around and took pictures of everyone's hands. Someone operating the audiovisual, someone on a microphone, someone caring for the children, the pastor with his hand on the Bible preaching, just taking pictures of everyone's hands. And it said, everyone's hands are needed. It doesn't matter what you're doing, even if all you even if all you are doing, quote unquote, is sitting in the pew, you you're needed. Your your energy is needed in that body. There are parts of our body we can't see, physical body, right? Oh yes I can't actually see my stomach or my spleen. I was just gonna say spleen or my nervous system. You know, I can't see those things, but without those things, I could not function. And that is how God has designed the body, not just our physical body, but his body, the church. Every single one of us is needed. If you are a believer in Christ, you are needed. And it's just a matter of finding that place where you feel uh connected, part of the community, and plugging into where you where you're where your hands and your feet can be used.

Stephanie 17:36

Yeah. Well, you mentioned sitting in the pew. Um, you're at when you're sitting in the pew, your ears, your ears, and and you're gonna take that in. And guess what? You're going to be somewhere else. You're gonna be a mouth. You're gonna take that in, and then you are going to share it. You're going to have a relationship with somebody. It's going to change your heart and make you more like Christ. All of those things, right?

Melissa 17:58

Um, so and I'm gonna get to be a radiator after I've been a drain.

Stephanie 18:04

Right?

Melissa 18:04

I'm gonna soak it in and then I'm gonna be able to radiate it out. Regardless of how you're designed, introvert, extrovert, doesn't matter. We all get we all get to choose to be a radiator.

hare Subscribe And Join On YouTube

Stephanie 18:19

Yeah. It is. And and in, you know, a radiator, you know, or or or a light bulb, whatever you want to call it, just radiant light. Thank you for joining us here on Heart and Soul Elevation. If this conversation lifted you, share it with another woman who needs community.

Melissa 18:38

Subscribe for more faith-first conversations, and for more community, join us over on YouTube where we grow together in real time.

Stephanie 18:48

Until then, may the peace of Christ guard your heart, steady your mind, and strengthen your body.