We Came To Hide At A Retreat And Accidentally Launched A Podcast

Two strangers walked into a retreat planning to keep to themselves and walked out knit together by faith, curiosity, and a shared ache for real belonging. That moment sparked Heart and Soul Elevation: a space where we put Jesus at the center and let mind and body align around Him. We trace the unlikely path from “let’s be alone” to launching a community built for women who love God, crave honesty, and want wellness that actually heals.

We unpack why so many women feel out of place in church groups and service roles, always giving but rarely refueled. Then we flip the wellness script: instead of “mind, body, spirit,” we start with the Spirit and let everything else flow from there. You’ll hear how the neuroscience of connection backs this up—oxytocin rises in safe relationships, cortisol quiets, and the nervous system shifts into a state where genuine healing can begin. From the “rat park” research to practical rhythms of rest, we explore how community changes behavior, biology, and hope.

We also challenge the pressure cooker version of the Proverbs 31 woman that leads to hustle and exhaustion. Together, we name the difference between striving and stewardship, between performing and belonging. Our vision is clear: spark a movement of women who pursue Jesus first, steward their health with wisdom, and lift families and communities through renewed vitality. If you’ve ever felt like the odd one out or if you’re ready to trade isolation for sisterhood, you’ll find a home here.

Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs encouragement, and join us on YouTube to grow in real time with a community that remembers: healing happens together.

Coach Stephanie has an awesome workshop coming up on February 3.

Get more information and sign up HERE.

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome And Faith-First Mission
• 0:42 Meeting As Strangers At Retreat
• 2:28 Shared Stories Of Not Belonging
• 6:40 Giving Without Receiving And Burnout
• 8:30 Rethinking Proverbs 31 And Balance
• 9:50 Why Faith Comes Before Wellness
• 12:00 Community As The Engine Of Healing
• 14:05 Science Of Safety, Oxytocin, And Rest
• 17:14 Isolation, Purpose, And Finding Support
• 19:24 A Faith Bond And Complementary Gifts
• 22:44 Vision: Spirit, Mind, And Body Renewal
• 25:14 Closing And Invitation To Community

Transcript

Melissa: 0:03

Welcome to the Heart and Soul Elevation Podcast, where faith meets wellness and women learn to live aligned spirit, mind, and body.

Stephanie: 0:11

We're your hosts, Melissa Holman and Stephanie Pasniokis, two Jesus-loving women passionate about helping you steward your health without losing sight of the one who gave it to you. Around here, healing happens in community. Scripture leads the way, and science simply confirms what God designed.

Melissa: 0:31

Let's elevate your heart and soul together. April, or I'm sorry, April of 2025. Yeah. We didn't even know each other. I mean, we knew of each other because we both had the same business coach. Um, but we didn't know each other. Like, she helped me out with some technology stuff one time. I think that was really the only interaction we had before we met in person. Is that right? Do you remember is that what I was saying it correctly?

Stephanie: 1:07

That's exactly right. I didn't know much about you. Um and what I did, who I was. Yeah, I I I knew you did some like aromatherapy stuff. I didn't really know much about what lemon balm coaching was about. Um, I know that um I was helping our business coach, uh coach on the technical side to help people get up and running in their business. And you were um eventually asked to be a sort of like sort of the success and support coach. It's like, oh, what is she doing? Right. But and then and then you were at the this this retreat, okay. This business retreat. At the Well of Mercy, one of the most beautiful, blessed places I've ever been personally. Um, a huge, huge spiritual growth there for me every single time. Uh a place of true soul rest for me.

Melissa: 1:58

I have to be honest, I I have never ever really felt comfortable in women's spaces like that, where there's a bunch of these women coming together because I have a very masculine energy about myself. Somebody even asked me on a podcast episode when I was doing the aromatherapy podcast, how do you how do you marry those two together? Because aromatherapy is a very feminine energy field. And I'm like, well, I just bring it, I just bring a different perspective. But so going into this retreat at the Well of Mercy, I I didn't, it wasn't necessarily that I had my guard up, but I didn't really expect much uh out of it. Because I've don't really, I never before, I'm starting to now, but I never really before felt comfortable in groups of large, you know, in large groups of women. Always made me feel very uncomfortable.

Stephanie: 2:53

Here we are sitting here, and I learned something about you that completely reflects my life experience. Oh my gosh. Like seriously, to the point where my husband, I met him because I was the girl that hang hung out with a group of guys. With the guys, we played, we were gamers when we were in high school. Like I just didn't get the girls, didn't they were mean? They stabbed me in the back. They were I I just had a very unfortunate um, you know, and and God has healed that over the years for me. But um, yes, these types of things are are are difficult. So a lot of the times at Well of Mercy, I was just off of myself when everybody else was together. I would that's what I was expecting.

Melissa: 3:32

And that is exactly what I expected.

Stephanie: 3:35

But you you you messed up a lot of my plans for being completely alone a lot of the times at this at the retreat. We found ourselves talking, and that was what was amazing because I did not expect you to be a sister in Christ at all.

Melissa: 3:49

I know, and I have no idea. I was sitting, um the the our business coach gave us like plenty of time, plenty of time to just be and exist in this beautiful space, and I like to read. So I woke up, I made my Scottish blend breakfast tea, and I sat there with my book, which was Michael Crichton's State of Fear. Ah, love that book. Here I am at this gorgeous retreat reading a very, very masculine book. Anyway, reading State of Fear, and out comes Stephanie to do her morning routine, and she's like, What are you reading? And I showed her, and the look on her face was just it wasn't really shock.

Stephanie: 4:28

No, I was just well, I was surprised. I mean, it literally is one of my favorite books. Yes. I I quote from it all the time. I mean, it's it's a it's I I can't even like who and and it's not a book that most you were not gonna look walk up to many females and say, Hey, what's one of your favorite books? I'm like, Oh, I love everything by Michael Craig, and then Santa Clay gosh is one of the, you know, and and Dan Brown or whomever, like whatever, you know, and um, you know, so it's interesting and that was like our first inkling that we we had things in common outside of just being entrepreneurs. Exactly. And uh you might be wondering, like, why are we talking about this now? This isn't is this inspiring? Is this what not? The thing is, is that that was the beginning of more and more discovery. And and you know, God is amazing, He creates these divine appointments. I'm sure you've had them in your life, um, where where he puts two people together and there's like there's fireworks, and it doesn't have to be your significant other, it could be somebody who becomes uh a true uh you know partner in our Christian mission, right? Which is uh, you know, and how we came here is just uh talking, we just kept finding that our our spirit and and our relationship with God just had so many, so many parallels, and that we we we dialogue so well about them and yeah, with different perspectives.

Melissa: 6:01

And I loved like you would be like, I really need somebody to bounce something off of. Can we hop on a call? Oh, absolutely, let's hop on a call. So we hop on a call, you bounce your thing off, and three hours later we're saying, okay, I gotta go now. Um, you know, so I just I the way that God has brought us together and he's knitting us together is just really amazing. And like you just said, wow, I just learned something else about you that's very much like my story. And I'd be willing to bet that there's a lot of people out there who have had a similar experience of not feeling like they belong. That is such a common experience. And I've found, especially among church women, uh, that most women do not feel like they belong. They go because they know they should, they go because they know they need to, but they don't have that feeling of belonging in the one place where everyone who is knitted together by Jesus Christ should belong.

Stephanie: 7:02

I am so happy that you said that. So I just had um tea this morning with someone who's a dear friend, and um, she is in the the service space um and and has just founded a ministry um to uh support and help job train uh survivors of human trafficking. Um and so she's just always giving, she's always leading, always giving, and and um in the process of of you know going through therapy for this ministry because it's a very heavy ministry. So just making sure that she is supported, she realized that all of her relationships were giving relationships. And uh there were no real relationships besides her husband that were a filling relationship that were just that were just there, just mutual. And uh I think that happens a lot of times for women in general, women in church, but women in general, we're just used to always giving and nurturing and giving and nurturing and and and as entrepreneurs, we're often always looking at things in terms of um, how can I support this person with my gifts or with what God has given me instead of just saying, let's just hang out and talk, let's fill each other up, let's just let's let's just come down and interact. And and so it's hard to feel belonging when you're always feeling like you're having to do, you're not being a you're not a human being, you're a human doing. And um, and it's funny, we weren't gonna talk about this um right now, I don't think, but the Proverbs 31 woman came up because as entrepreneurs, you know, you know, and and as women in general, we think, oh, well, that's the that's the one we want to be. That is the gold standard of women. But I look at her and I want to go to bed. I'm like, oh, I need a nap. Um, now I work like that, but what happens is it's so easy to get out of balance or out of harmony, out of harmony with the way our life is supposed to be. When when it says right there, like, and her night, her and her lamp does not go out at night. And I'm like, what?

Melissa: 9:11

And you know what I would be doing if my lamp never went out at night? If my lamp never went out at night, I would be screaming into my pillow. That's what I would be doing. Right. Actually, you know what I'd do? I'd get one of those face masks and earplugs and just shut the world out.

Stephanie: 9:24

If that was I do sleep with a with an eye mask because I have, yeah, long story. Anyway, we'll get there sometime because that's what this this is what our conversation is going to be in the future. I I am, you know, guys, what this became, what our conversations became was heart and soul elevation, was a faith-first focus to health and wellness. So, you know, I discovered, and and I think you did too. Looking out there, a lot of people have are have Christian health and wellness podcasts, but their health and wellness comp podcasts by people who happen to be Christian. But what happens when we have a have a conversation about health and wellness, but it's really about faith. And then what happens throughout that? Because what happens there is we start finding out that ultimately everything, everything with a faith first first focus ends up impacting how we show up in the world and how we show up in the world and how we interact with the world is the very definition of wellness. I mean, even according to the CDC, the impact that you have in the world, the impact that you have in your community, your ability to to be in the world and and to belong and um and receive from it, that's wellness. But our best wellness comes from our faith. Um and I I truly believe that I can I can look at times in my life where faith felt far away. And I was so caught up in the world and the culture and just trying to make ends meet and striving and struggling. And and my faith was on the back burner, and and then my friends were on the back burner, my community was on the back burner, and it was and and my physical health and my mental health went right down. And it's part of the reason why I'm a health coach today. But but what happened first? I my I lost track of my faith. That's what allowed all that to happen. And I'm not saying that if you have faith, you're gonna be in perfect health. That's not what this is about, but it's a foundational cornerstone to our life.

Melissa: 11:52

One of the pillars of my business is right, we were designed for community and connection. I say it all the time. Ad nauseum, people hear it almost every single time I speak. We were designed for community and connection. And where does healing happen? Healing happens in community. Healing does not happen in isolation. The opposite of addiction is not sobriety. The opposite of addiction is community.

Stephanie: 12:18

It absolutely is. And in fact, that's that was the the study on rat park. Um, I don't know if you've read that study. Um, are you familiar with the rat park study? So uh there was a researcher. I'm gonna have to look him up. Um, maybe we'll put him somewhere. But basically, he was researching uh cocaine addiction in rats. And so rats in a cage, when given water and cocaine, they would just go with cocaine all the time, all the time, all the time. If they're if they are isolated when they're isolated. But what he did is when he gave them other rats in the community and gave them fun things to do and wheels and toys and and stimulating, and still had the water, still had the cocaine in the water. They still had both study scenarios. The rats stopped drinking the cocaine water on their own. Yep. The opposite of addiction is community.

Melissa: 13:08

Yep. Healing happens in community, and that is one of the things that we want to create with this podcast is community, not not just us sitting up here talking, talking, talking heads, but create a real vibrant community where people are healing together, walking that healing journey together. Because I feel like if if we could live in a world full of people that are on a healing journey, just imagine the vibration that would be increased in the quantum field.

Stephanie: 13:40

And you know, absolutely. And and I mean, I think, and I'm I'm a scientist. So for anybody who doesn't know yet, um, my background is in neuroscience, psychobiology, biochemistry, anatomy, and physiology. And I know that sounds like a lot, but the body is a system and it's a beautiful system. And my my son, my middle child, asked me one day at dinner, because mom, how can you be a scientist and a Christian? And I said, Oh, how can I not be? And then I started talking. And um, and what was what's most amazing to me is when you say we were designed for community and connection, we absolutely are. Healing only happens in community. And how do we know this? Because it's in that community when we feel safe that our body is in parasympathetic mode, that we're connecting with people, and oxytocin is released, and oxytocin shuts down cortisol, that stress. And in that parasympathetic, in that oxytocin, in that safety, in that love, right? Love um, you know, casts out fear. Yep, yep. You can't have love, you can't have safety and fear coexisting. Cortisol is is a is a fear, is a fear chemical in our body. Oxytocin is a safety and love chemical in our body. Perfect love casts out fear. And it literally happens in our body. Physically, biochemically, happens in our body when we are in connection and community with others. And in the parasympathetic state of your body, that lower stress state, that higher vibration state is the only state that your body will put resources toward healing.

Melissa: 16:13

Yep. Otherwise, it's just trying to survive. It's just trying to survive. And the number one tool that the enemy uses is isolation. Yes. Healing does not happen in isolation, it happens in community. So it does.

Stephanie: 16:34

And I can tell you, um, my one of my stories when I was young, um, I was married, I was newlywed, and we were a couple of years into our marriage, and I was like, well, we're gonna have kids. So um we were both working, but uh uh at the time, but not very making much money. And I knew that living where I live in the world that um I wasn't gonna be able to afford daycare. So I figured I would just stay at home with our new family. So I made this very on-the-paper smart decision to stop working before I had the kids. Pros and cons, absolutely. You know, to figure out how to live on one income. Can I tell you how lonely I got immediately, how depressed I became, how how much I felt like I didn't have a purpose, how guilty I felt that I got to stay home without any work to do while my husband was out working. All of my preconceived notions about what I was supposed to be all came crashing in. And I got so depressed. And I had and I and I because I I what was my purpose? Now I'm just sitting at home without an income, learning how to make ends meet. So um I ended up uh uh connecting with other at-home moms, older moms too, 20 years older, some with kids already in college, people connecting with people who who were in that phase of life and or who were planning on being in that phase of life and learning from them and being in that community. And then I and then I I had my baby and and I had a I had a support system. And these are people I didn't know before because I was working all the time. Yeah. Right. But that, but and interestingly enough, that negative spiral in my brain of all that negative self-talk and my worthlessness and and all of that disappeared and community.

Melissa: 18:32

Yes. And I want to bring this back full circle to what we started with. We showed up to this retreat. Both of us, apparently, now that I know, were expecting to just be alone and not really have much community and connection there. And yet God showed up and brought us together. Like we weren't knit together at that retreat right away, right? But we were finding those commonalities. And then and and I remember you kind of kind of like gently asked, you know, are you uh are you a Christian? I'm like, I'm starting to get this little inkling here that I, you know, I'm just gonna throw myself out there. And the thing is, in in the in the community that we were in under this business coach, I mean, it's a great community. She's a wonderful coach, but there were a lot of people in the community who are not Christians. They're serving in a beautiful way, but they're not serving the people that I'm serving or you're serving. And it's just it was just interesting to be a part of that community. Not at not too far off the mark for me because I've been in the aromatherapy community for a while and it's very full of a lot of woo-woo. Um and I'm woo-woo, so it it works. But like here we are like looking at each other. I'm reading a book that you like reading, and we're talking about things that I don't know, didn't just it didn't feel like that was the place to be talking about it.

Stephanie: 19:58

Right. And then all of a sudden, the whole entire free time was gone. We literally talked the whole time.

Melissa: 20:04

Yes, in our pajamas, in the kitchen.

Stephanie: 20:06

Yeah, I was like, Well, I should probably get dressed now. I'm not going for a hike, I'm not gonna go on the prayer path. I'm not right. We just we had our, you know, and I think was our second conversation where I was just like, Are you a Christian? This is and then we start talking about the Christian books we liked. And and then and and our I just was I was blown away. I thought, and I I I think I even asked, like, are you a a a Christfaller? Like, are you well would you consider yourself like all in? Like, yeah, you know, I don't remember the exact words I used, but yeah, I thought and I was like, Well, yeah, absolutely, yeah. And then we tell it telling our stories a little bit, and I said, holy moly, who is this person?

Melissa: 20:43

I remember thinking that I'm a this woman. Gosh, what is this? Yeah, it was pretty great, but full circle, right? We both we both fully intended to just find ourselves alone with our thoughts the whole week, the whole weekend. And yet God God created a community because where two or three are gathered together, right? Absolutely. He is there in the midst of them. And I I don't know about you, but like I felt it because it was like, oh my gosh, I I actually have a sister in the entrepreneurial arena working, doing something completely different than I'm doing, but the way that it comes together with your with your brand of wellness and my my brand of wellness and healing, it's like it's like a perfect mesh.

Stephanie: 21:36

Absolutely. I mean, it's they're very, very complimentary. And I love how you're you know, we both uh, you know, I I joke with my husband and I'm not the girliest girl. And I I look at him, I'm like, and you know, I'm like, you know, uh it's it's really it's really funny. I mean, I'm gonna be the first one to sit down and and watch a Marvel movie with him, you know. Like we well, we I just watch, yes. Like I am so not the girliest girl. And I think once upon a time, if people saw me as a kid, they they would have said, Oh, you're you're you you're not a girl. I used to run around like I know, let's just that totally other thing. But I I just you know, but I I um you know, and fashion, not my thing, but let me tell you, I am the I am the one that asks why. I am the one that I've just God has given me an inquisitive curiosity and just wanting to learn about the amazing creation, our physical body, our system. And that is what I know. And so you you talked about how like you're a little you're you're the woo-woo side of it, but I'm I am in like I am the science, I am into the science. You know, all of the first Christians, all of our first science understanding came from Christians who said, God is a God of order order, he must be knowable and discoverable. Right. And it's true, and it's true. And so every time I dig deeper and somebody goes, Oh, that's just proof that such and such. I'm like, actually, no, let's like really dig into this and let's use our brains because this is truly amazing. Let's let's play with this, let's let's explore it. And and again, um, I think it's in what Paul says, uh, I think it's in the I don't remember which book, so I don't want to say. I'm not good at addresses, so but he talks about he talks about you know not quarreling over words. It was in Timothy. And and and uh he was it was lettered to Timothy, and he was like, you know, people quarreling over words. And and really it's about we can get so within our our our Christian brothers and sisters and get caught up on some picking detail that you know what it doesn't matter because in the end, I don't care if I'm right or wrong about a small detail, it's not gonna be the thing that keeps my brother and sister from Christ, right? That's our relationship. I get to ask God when I die, hey, was I right or wrong on that one? Tell me, and he goes, actually, this is what's really happening, and then you know, the whole quantum field opens up or something. You know, it's like things that we just can't possibly know.

Melissa: 24:03

It's like we can see in two dimensions and and ultimately, ultimately, our knowing is is irrelevant. It it really truly is, honestly, because what comes to our community and connection. What matters is Christ and the community and connection that comes as a result of being a sister in Christ. That's what really truly matters. And you have all this knowledge, and I have all this knowledge. And what is your what is your intuitive gift? Okay. I I've been having this conversation a lot recently. Everybody has an intuitive gift. Uh some people audibly hear God's voice, uh, some people he gives them visions, uh, some people he gives them feelings, like, oh, I just feel that that's uh, you know, my dad's a big feeler. And some people he gives knowing. Like I I'll just be talking with somebody and he goes and gives me information. And I'm like, well, I know that. I know there's no way I could have known that. That's obviously from God. What gift has he given you? Do you know? So it's and it might be a combination.

Stephanie: 25:11

Yeah, it's an it's interesting. Um I know uh my my understanding from him comes in in threes in the world. Very unrelated things, just boom, boom, boom, and they're all like they're all the same. And and so I know that there's a communication there. So and and in fact, when I first married my husband, um, he was an atheist, and over the years he just knew. I always said this. And so I would make a decision when I said, We need to do such and such, he goes, Oh, what were the three things? And then I would say, Well, this, this, and this, or I'll pop up and say, Oh, that was the third one. He goes, Oh, what was it? And I tell him, and so, but and today he is a he is uh a a brother in Christ over as of the as of uh uh a year ago, Easter, so in 2024. 18 years I've been with this guy since high school praying for this kid. And and and he's there, and part of it was because of of this, just just seeing it happen over and over and over again, and him just just so he like gives you clues to what's coming. I get I get clues, but he's also given me and I mentioned it before, systems. I get systems, they're like lit up in front of me. It's like when they're looking at the matrix and they can just see the code, red dress, whatever. That's what I see. So I under I see connections. I see connections that a lot of time a lot of people don't see. Yeah, and and to me, they're obvious. My husband is always like, How would you have ever gotten that from that? And I'm like, Well, how would you not? How would you not?

Melissa: 26:43

Because he shows he shows all of us differently. So I see those even if there's two people that have the same gift, it's not always exactly received the same.

Stephanie: 26:51

So and even those two things that I mentioned, they're probably the same thing because I'm seeing the connections amongst those those three those three things. That's when it becomes really obvious to me. And it's usually something that he's already whispering to me. And then there's confirmation. But I I see the patterns, I see the systems, I just have an understanding, and and and sometimes it's just uh it's just a gut that my gut is putting all of that together.

Melissa: 27:17

So to me, it sounds like he uses all of the ways to speak to you, like he's you are uh an open conduit for all of the ways that he's speaking. That's what it sounds like to me. Because you said like because you went like this and said, I hear, but this would be feel. Yeah. It sounds to me like you're you're getting everything, which is awesome.

Stephanie: 27:39

Yeah, I didn't intend for it to come out that way, but it's it it really um yeah, it's it's hard to it's hard to explain. I can't say that I necessarily have ever gotten um divine information. My father certainly has. He'll get my father hears literally the voice of God. I mean, it's almost like he can hear it, and uh it's it's insane. Like I just I'm like, I want to be you, but I am also love being me. I love the way I, you know, and God talks to me in the way he knows I'll hear.

Melissa: 28:12

Exactly. Right?

Stephanie: 28:13

And he does that for each of us.

Melissa: 28:15

Yes.

Stephanie: 28:16

Um, yeah.

Melissa: 28:17

So that's amazing.

Stephanie: 28:19

As we um, I guess wrap up our first, our first, you know, this was how we met. This is what Heart and Soul Elevation Podcast is about. It's a faith first focus. But our vision really is is um, and I think we we put this together. I'm just gonna read it. Yeah, to spark a movement of women who pursue Jesus first, steward their health well, and influence their families and communities through renewed vitality. Um, and and we want to establish this podcast, Heart and Soul Elevation, as a trusted lighthouse for women, for you women of faith seeking spirit, mind and body renewal for deeper connection and healing.

Melissa: 29:06

And I want you to hear the way that we said that. We want you to seek spirit, mind and body renewal. Because if you listen to the world, the world says what mind, body, and spirit, as if our spirit is the last thing. But here uh we understand we understand that we are spirit beings uh inhabiting a body, spirit first, Jesus first, mind and body.

Stephanie: 29:39

Yeah, and the way and God is amazing, and He this body that He created, it's inextricably intertwined and connected with our mind and our spirit. It's three in one. Yep, it is it it's it's they're inextricable. So our spiritual health influences our mental and physical health, our mental health influences our spiritual and our physical health, and our physical health provides the conduit for good spiritual and mental health. You can't separate them. You cannot separate them.

Melissa: 30:14

We cannot separate them. You cannot separate them. We cannot compartmentalize them. You can't compartmentalize your healing, and healing happens in community. And so here we are. So here we are. Thanks for joining us for today's conversation on heart and soul elevation.

Stephanie: 30:35

If this episode encouraged you, be sure to share it with a friend. Remember that healing happens in community.

Melissa: 30:42

Be sure to subscribe for more faith first conversations. And if you're desiring more community, come join us over on YouTube where we grow together in real time. Until then, keep your eyes on Jesus, care for the body he gave you, and may his peace guard your heart and mind.